I'm writing this article as a follow up to the one I did on what's going on in the mind of guys who are shy Shyness and dating inexperienced with women.
I got some feedback from women on that piece. Some said that they were shy with men and several of the points in it applied Shyness and dating their own situation.
Others pointed out how shy women have their own struggles as well. This article will talk about that, with more focus put on the issues that are unique to shy women. This piece Shyness and dating a little different to write for me, since being a guy, I didn't have the benefit of being able to draw on my firsthand experiences to inform my points though you'll still see me interjecting a Shyness and dating perspective in parts.
Instead I had to rely on my observations and research on what shy women go through. Like with men, there's variation in how shy women can be toward the opposite sex and the idea of dating. There are lots of women who have good romantic lives, but who still consider themselves shy around guys at heart, and wish they Shyness and dating so inhibited by them.
There are women who were pretty shy in high school and during the first year or two of college, and it delayed the start of their dating lives somewhat, but they worked through the worst of it by their early Shyness and dating.
And Shyness and dating there are the women in their mid-twenties or later who are still very inexperienced more on that later on. Here's a quick summary of the basic shyness issues women can deal with when it comes to guys.
The more shy someone is, and the further into life they struggle with these problems, the more severe and challenging-to-overcome the symptoms likely are:. And like with guys who are anxious about Shyness and dating, the fear isn't something they can just easily 'get over'. They may be interested Shyness and dating a man, but feel too chicken to strike up a conversation with him.
If he talks to her she may get totally flustered and tongue-tied, or be so anxious that she ends up babbling on when it's her turn to speak. The nervousness Shyness and dating their ability to take action in the direction they want to go. They want to talk to Shyness and dating particular guy, but they can't.
They want to be able to wittily chat back to someone and make a good impression, but in the moment they just want to escape their nerves, and they do so by clamming up until the guy goes away. Shyness and dating might give someone their number, but Shyness and dating too scared to answer his text when he contacts them. Or they may really want to date someone, but wimp out and say no when they're asked out.
Naturally they can also be shy about other steps further along in the dating process. They're likely going to feel anxious about Shyness and dating first few kisses, or may be really inhibited, self-conscious, and insecure when they start to fool around with someone.
Keeping with the nature of shyness, once a woman has finished the above-mentioned type of nervous conversation with a guy, she'll probably start beating up on herself.
He came and talked to me and I barely said anything back. Now he'll think I'm not interested. I get too terrified and shut down when a guy I like is around. Before we've had firsthand experience with the Shyness and dating world women, and men, tend to have a naive, overly romantic view of what relationships and sex are like.
It mainly comes from absorbing the skewed portrayals of dating from the media and society sappy love songs, melodramatic romance movies, tales of princesses and brave knights, talk of meeting 'The One' and being happy and blissful forever, etc. A reader told me Shyness and dating, in response the article I wrote on the issues shy guys go through. She said she did the same thing.
In that other article I talked about how guys who are shy with women often spend a lot of time thinking about Shyness and dating they can get out of their rut and finally have some success with dating.
Since their nerves prevent them from being proactive about solving the problem, they put a lot of stock in the women they come across through their day-to-day lives. If a girl smiles in their direction, or they have a pleasant conversation with someone, or they see a woman around who seems like she might be interested in him, his mind eagerly jumps to, Shyness and dating man, she might be the person who finally Shyness and dating my first girlfriend!
Shyness and dating they're not proactive they can't just go ask her out or speak to her further. Instead they have to wait and see if she approaches them or seems interested. This naturally leads to a ton of over-analysis and mild obsession as they look for signs that things will work out with the target of their affection. We have nothing in common.
Shyness and dating I'll be alone Shyness and dating The points above are general shyness related obstacles that apply to both sexes in much the same way. Below are the problems that shy women alone have to deal with:. I put this one first to get it out of the way, since I think most people know about this concept.
However, even if someone knows that shy people can mistakenly seem snobby in theory, it's still easy to get sucked into thinking it in practice. If a guy approaches a girl, and she doesn't talk back to him much, he's likely to conclude she's just cold and rude and Shyness and dating, and not consider the idea that she was paralyzed with nerves and didn't know what to say, or she was so anxious that she kept checking her cellphone to make him go away.
Similarly, if a girl is standing around a party and not talking to anyone, people will tend to assume she's unfriendly unless she has a blatantly shy 'deer in the headlights' look on her face.
I think this view arises from a general belief that women are just more socially competent in general. It's not that no one Shyness and dating women can be shy. Just that sometimes the default assumption is that women are naturally more comfortable in social situations, and so if they Shyness and dating distant or untalkative it's because they're choosing Shyness and dating be that way. Attractive shy women face this Shyness and dating the most, since people sometimes have trouble conceiving that a physically good looking person could have any problems with their confidence.
People may also be projecting their own fears and prejudices onto the behavior of shy good looking women "She's hot, she'd never like a guy like me. She's not laughing at my jokes because she's stuck up like all pretty girls", "She'd never want to be friends with me.
I'm just an average looking bookish girl. She's like all those catty popular girls from high school. If a woman isn't considered that physically attractive, her shyness will be reinterpreted as well, but this time in light of a different of unflattering stereotypes "She's not talking because she's weird and anti-social and mad at the world". This isn't so much a practical issue as an attitude that can make a shy woman feel their concerns are dismissed or misunderstood.
The belief is that since men are expected Shyness and dating initiate romantic relationships, and to do the work of easing any of the woman's initial hesitation or anxiety, shy women don't have to work as hard to overcome their issues.
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They can just sit back and wait for men to come to them, then let him do everything to move the relationship forward. They get to be the choosers, sorting through the platter of men that are presented to them, and rejecting the ones that don't meet their standards. Even if a woman is really awkward, enough guys will still attempt to get with her, and will persist in the face of her shyness that she'll end up in a relationship before long.
Also, there's a belief that shyness is seen as a major flaw in men, but endearing, even desirable, in women. Maybe this is true, and women on the whole technically have it easier. Shyness and dating, when Shyness and dating a lonely shy woman who's never had a boyfriend and hasn't had any Shyness and dating prospects for the last two years, the fact that you have it easier in theory isn't very comforting.
Shyness towards dating can be Shyness and dating real problem for some women, and some aggregate advantages don't automatically cancel that out for them. On Shyness and dating link below you'll find a training series focused on how to feel at ease socially, even if you tend to overthink today.
It also covers how to avoid awkward silence, attract amazing friends, and why you don't need an "interesting life" to make interesting conversation.
Click here to go to the free training. This is a sub-belief of the general idea that women have it easier. Often you'll hear this statement made by Shyness and dating, many times ones who are struggling with dating themselves and are a bit resentful at the seemingly better hand women have been dealt.
My personal opinion Shyness and dating that this belief reflects men projecting their own attitudes towards sex and dating onto the other gender, and failing to realize that some women may not have the same priorities as them. You've probably heard it before, "Even guys with a lot going for them often have to put in the work and face a lot of rejection to get a girlfriend or get laid.
But even for an unattractive girl all she has to do is go to a bar any night of the week and stand around and be approachable and she'll Shyness and dating guaranteed Shyness and dating be able to hook up with someone.
The idea that shy women can Shyness and dating their inexperience issues by just sitting back and letting the guys come to them doesn't always pan out in reality, for all kinds of reasons: As I mentioned, if a woman is really shy or inexperienced, then even if interesting guys approach her, her shyness is going to get in the way of the interaction going anywhere.
There are women who get approached by men quite often, but this doesn't happen to everyone. Some women hardly ever have guys come talk to them. They feel chronically overlooked and like a sexual non-entity in the eyes of men.
Women often complain that they only get approached by men they would never be interested in, like pervy older guys at the grocery store, or cocky meatheads at the bar who are Shyness and dating just looking for sex. This is a particular problem Shyness and dating shy women who are into guys who are more quirky or sensitive or intellectual, since those types of men typically tend not to be as aggressive about approaching people. A woman's lifestyle will have a big impact on how often she gets Shyness and dating.
A sorority member who works as a waitress and who goes clubbing a lot will likely get a lot of attention, since she's always out around people. A woman who's more of a homebody and who hates bars isn't going to get nearly Shyness and dating many opportunities for people to chat to her. Rightly or wrongly, many women dismiss the idea of meeting someone at a Shyness and dating, or through a stranger approaching them, out of hand. They want to meet people under different circumstances, like through friends.
Many women aren't Shyness and dating in just sleeping with anybody for the sake of having sex, or are not into one-night stands with strangers. So the idea that they can technically get laid at will doesn't appeal to them.
They're looking for a more serious relationship with someone who likes them as a person, and want to get to know someone before they get physical. In particular I find some guys have trouble accepting this point.
Because they personally are fine with casual sex, or are feeling desperate to hook up with anyone half-decent just to get rid of their nagging inexperience, they can't imagine how someone else wouldn't value these things.
A lot of women have understandable safety concerns. They're not willing to go home with someone they just met, because they don't know if the guy Shyness and dating be dangerous or not once they're not in public. This is another thing I find some guys have trouble fully comprehending, since they take a lot of their safety for granted. For some women, if they get approached a lot, but the attention is unwanted and aggressive and harassing, it may make them even more nervous and guarded around men than before.
A bigger issue with the 'let people come to you and choose from the applicants' approach is that it takes away a lot Shyness and dating a woman's ability to choose who she ends up with. What if she's really interested in a particular guy, but he hasn't noticed her and isn't likely to?